He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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