my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
