if i died would you start the facebook group?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
