i permit you to call me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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