Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
