brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
