i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
handjob tips. give me some.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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