Screwed.edu
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
