Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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