he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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