Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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