So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
