you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
