If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
