Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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