Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis