You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.