i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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