They should really pass out barf bags in church
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
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I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?