if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
