Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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