i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
porn star boner night. come get it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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