that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
