yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
