Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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