I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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