just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
