he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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