So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
