end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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