im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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