I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
