i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
