running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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