Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i believe in u and ur pee
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
