THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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