i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
