Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
