I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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