Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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