In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
