i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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