It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
