I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
