OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
