My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
