so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
