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I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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