what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
