One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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