My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
