I can feel you judging me through the phone.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
