Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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