I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
