oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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