that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
