Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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