It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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