I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
