you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
