I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
