I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think my moral compass just broke
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